These Boots Were Made For...someone else...

I had hoped that my hard work would pay off this winter and allow me to finally be able to buy a pair of sexy boots...something I have always wanted, but never did because I can never find a boot with a wide enough shaft. Even when I was my normal weight, I still had this problem. I found an incredible pair of boots that I loved. They were black, sassy, and ridiculously sexy. And yet this match made in cobbler heaven, was destined not to be. They would not zip up, and I was left feeling like an ugly stepsister, and not the vampy seductress I was hoping to be. I don't think there is a pair of boots out there for me, and I don't think I can lose weight fast enough to wear the settled-upon pair I bought when Tony gets home.

Oh No!

In my last post, I talked about how fragile the relationship between my sister and I is.  My sister is trying to make me let my mom come back home.

I don't want to do it.  My mom is going to go back to doing whatever she wants to do instead of doing what is best for her health.

The round robin of hospitalizations are traumatizing to the kids, and I have had it

A part of me is incredibly angry that my sister shows up at the eleventh hour playing the hero.  Especially when she doesn't know what these years have been like.

I just heard from the nursing home where my mother is.  They are transporting her to the emergency room, but she refuses to go to Scott & White.  Scott & White is a better hospital.

Ceasefires

Today I am sitting in my dining room typing this as my sister, nephew, and potential future brother-in-law are passed out asleep in my living room. Circumstance has turned us into somewhat uneasy roomates. With my mom's prognosis as yet unclear, and the arrangements of her placement still needing to be ironed out, the family has come together as best it can to attempt to weather this storm. I wasn't exactly sure this would work out; my sister and I are polar opposites in both looks and personalities in addition to the almost ten-year age difference between us. She's the social butterfly, the one with her finger on the pulse of every new trend. I am the aloof one, the one who likes to be around others when I am comfortable with it, but that generally prefers solitude over a block party. Last night, my sister told me that her job was able to transfer her to Texas permanently, but that it would mean she'd be working in San Antonio. Given that a two hour commute each way is impractical, that means she will have to move there. I was kind of hoping that things wouldn't work out with her job because then she'd stay in my area. We both realize that we are way to different to live in the same house, but the same area would be nice. It would be nice to get to know my nephew better, and my sons could use some constancy and some family in their lives too. They have been hurting so much with T gone. I had also hoped we could work on our relationship. She and I haven't had the best, and now that things are peaceful for the first time in a long time, I thought we could try to reach a common ground. I wish it didn't take my mom's diagnosis to bring us together, but life isn't made of beautifully poignanant, scripted moments.

Believe it or Not

I was excited when I first heard heard about the Implanon birth control implant.  It seemed like a perfect fit for me.  I got the implant, and I was very happy with it.  Earlier this year, it was time to get a new implant put in.  That's when the trouble started...

They could not find the implant! Four people searched for it.  I was asked if I had been messing with it.  I hadn't.  The only thing I was guilty of was taking the damn thing for granted.  I used to check for it every day when I first got it, but after a while, I became complacent and forgot about it.

I was told that they could not put a new one in without pulling the old one out.  Then I was told that there was no way to find this thing using an xray because the first generation of the implant has no radiographic capability.  I was told that Implanon representatives recommended using an ultrasound to find it, but that the machine would have to function at a minimum of 15 gigahertz to pick it up.

So here I find myself in the waiting room of Scott & White Hospital here in lovely Temple, Texas.  Metroplex and Fort Hood don't have the imaging capabilities needed.  I'm wearing a hospital gown and jeans.  At least my toenails look nice!

Surrounded by pregnant women who are staring at me in puzzlement, I'm called to the exam room.  Long story short, the tech couldn't find my implant either...back to the drawing board!

Bullying

My oldest son was talking about his seventh grade freind today, and he told me he feels very badly for the kid because he is always getting bullied. He says his friend told him that bullies even broke his legs. I asked if his friend had told the teachers and his parents about the bullying. My son says the teachers haven't really done much in the way of a response. This frightens me, especially with so many tragic stories in the media of kids committing suicide because they could no longer cope with being tormented. I try to have conversations with my kids about bullying frequently, and I always tell them that sometimes people will not like you no matter what you do, and that meaans that the problem is them and not you. I also encourage them to talk to their teachers, and to me if they have any problems. I feel bad that as a parent, that seems to be all we can do as a society. our kids deserve better.

Whew!

I am so happy the weekend is over.  Have you ever had a weekend go so awfully wrong that you wonder what was the point of getting out of bed in the morning? For me, it happened this weekend. 

By now, everyone has heard of the crazy ants that are invading Texas.  My house has been overrun.  I'm not sure if this is the species that has invaded, but wanting to take no chances, I called an exterminator.  This is after spraying myself and not finding their point of entry.

I discovered one of my bathroom cleaner killed them on contact.  Extermination and housecleaning in one fell swoop...multitasking rocks!
Regrettably, my cat's food bowl did not survive the onslaught, so it was given a distinguished funeral; its final resting place, a ninety-six gallon trash can. 

I decided to dedicate Friday night to my latest Dragon Age 2 runthrough.  Unfortunately, gaming nirvana was unattainable to me, given that the monster crack that appeared in the bathroom linoleum had expanded to rival the San Andreas fault line. 

Damn! I pulled out my phone book and searched for a handyman.  I looked for licensed and bonded and in my area in the phone book.

Josh from Phoenix Renovations came to my rescue; we agreed on a price and he started work the next day.  He was incredibly efficient and he and his assistant cleaned up all the mess from their work.  They are grouting the floor today.

My next major issue was that the stove has been malfunctioning for a while.  Usually, resetting the circuit breaker and jiggling the cord works.  Not on Friday.  When I went to jiggle the cord, it shocked me.  I stopped shaking and went to the fuse box and cut the power to the range. 

Armed again with my phonebook, I called Mr. Electric.  The receptionist said having someone come out on an emergency call would be prohibitively expensive.  Enter Mike Harris, who called me and gave me his price and said he'd be at my house in an hour.  The guy is my hero.  Ten minutes after he got here, he found the problem: a loose wire connected to a stripped screw on the control panel of the stove. 

Later Friday night, T calls to inform me he had been pulled over for having a broken brake light.  My heart sank, as I wondered how much this repair was going to cost.  T said he checked the fuses and bulbs and couldn't figure out why the light was not working.

He told me his only options for repair are Pep Boys and Midas, both companies we have had bad experiences with in the past.  By this time, the potential cost has me panicked.

He said Pep Boys would charge us fifty dollars to start looking for the problem, but that they said that if it was electrical in nature, that charge could increase exponentially.

This is why I am so happy this weekend is behind me!

Electronic Books

I finshed reading my first Nook book earlier today. It was David Gaider's Dragon Age: The Calling. I have always been into books, and while I am enjoying my new Nook immensely,there is something about the smell of old books that I wish could somehow be part of this equation. The Nook has incredible potential,, however, especially for college students who could then go through school without ending up with a trunk full of books they don't intend to use again and may not be able to resell...I know I could certainly benefit from having less stuff around!In other news, last night's ratatouille was a resounding success with my oldest son. This comes as a complete shock to me because he is usually a horrifically picky eater and would rather be tortured than eat most vegetables. I did make some changes to the recipe I had, namely for the sake of experimentation. Where it said to add diced tomatoes, I used sun dried tomatoes, I used tomato paste instead of tomato sauce, and I used shiitake mushrooms instead of white ones. I was surprised by how hearty this dish was. I didn't realize an all vegetarian dish could be so satisfying.

Something New & Something Newer

Dinner is almost finished and I think the ratatouille came out great considering I have never made it before.  I also have lemon peppercorn chicken baking in the oven.  My Nook came today and is charging as we speak!

I cannot wait to give it a test run tonight.  I think I will also treat myself to a bubble bath.  I wonder what to read first...the possibilities are endless, but I am leaning towards a Dragon Age novel. 

I do miss T horribly though.  I can't wait to be with him again!

I am actually blogging from my Nook right now! I think it is too cool! It set up in a jiffy and I have downloaded my first book. Tonight I will curl up with a book for the first time in a long time.

Surviving

I haven't written in a long time because my mom has been in and out of hospitals for the past month and the experience has been incredibly stressful and draining. I finally caved in and bought myself a Nook. I bought it because I have come to the realization that I have way too many books, and because of me being a full-time college student, I hope to save money on my textbooks. In this economy, every little bit helps. My Nook arrives tomorrow. I can't wait. I fund a purple case, even though I wish it was a deep purple case instead of lavender, but if annoys me too much, I'll put stickers on it.

I think the first book I am going to buy for my Nook is a Dragon Age novel. I have decided I am making ratatouille tomorrow for dinner. Wish me luck, it's my first time making the dish. I like to try out new recipies when T is gone so I can see if it's worth making for him when he is here. I'll post pictures of it tomorrow.

BOHICA: Part Deux?

I have been stressing over the looming debt

Wine & Roses

The time of our joyous reunion is drawing to the inevitable conclusion.  I think I am doing okay at trying to hide my growing anxiety from T., but I don't know for sure.  I came close to losing it this morning.  I guess I was crying in my sleep without realizing it.

It's the part that I hate most about leave; it is the perfect amount of time to get used to having him around again, to get used to being his wife again.  I never stopped being his wife, but I missed the domestic rituals that made me so happy.  Like always trying to have our morning coffee together whenever possible...

I am so grateful that I have had this time with him and our kids, but at the same time, I can't help but be depressed.  I don't know when I will see him again.  I don't know when we will get to live as a family again. 

We still have no orders sending him back here.  This is the longest we have ever been apart.

Tonight, we are playing Marvel Alliance 2 with the boys.  I wish every day could be like this!

Dumb Conversation

I have been trying to introduce my kids to the Xmen series that T and I grew up with. One of my pet peeves has always been when people talk in movie theaters or when people talk when I am trying to watch something. That being said, it is almost the end of our block leave, and my mom has been encroaching on our family time by initiating pointless conversations when we are trying to watch things together. I just want some time alone wth my husband and my sons.

My mom and I have a very troubled history; she put me in foster care when I was fifteen, and she wanted nothing to do with me for three years. The only thing positive that happened to me during those years was that I met T. Now she acts like she wants to be my best friend, but she was not there when I needed her most. She lives with me now, and I take care of her because I believe there is a God that I will face someday to whom I must give an explanation for my actions and because it's the right thing to do. No one said right equals easy, but some days are harder than most.

It's hard when someone wants to pretend like your past never happened, like a simple apology has the power to reset all the hell you've experienced. For me, I fear it may be too little, too late.

Hope on the Horizon

Yesterday was an incredibly stressful day. My Dodge had been starting sluggishly for about a week, and yesterday morning, she didn't crank at all. Two hundred plus dollars later, I discovered that my front brakes were worn thin. I went over to Just Brakes which cost another obscene amount of cash to repair. I was supremely unhappy with what the repairs cost me, and I did not get their advertised deal. That's the one where they claim that they can fix your brakes for a hundred dollars in most cases. Apparently, I wasn't the only one who didn't get that deal; there were other people there and some of their repair bills were eight hundred dollars and nine hundred dollars.

After that debacle, I arrived home and bought T's ticket. Today I received word that T might actually make it back home for good. After so long, I'm scared to hope...scared to even slightly entertain the possibility that he could be coming back to me. This is the hope I mentioned in the title of this post. This weekend holds alot of promise too. T is coming home on block leave and I am looking forward to family time. This could be the most awesome weekend in a very long time.

At least my car is running again and I have a pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream in my freezer that's just for me. Sometimes the simple things are the best conduits for true happiness...

SNAFUs and Gratitude

The Army has struck again and has done its best to make me scramble. T finally got a leave date yesterday, (even though we requested our dates in April)and of course, airfare right now is ridiculously expensive for a one way ticket. I really hate it when the green machine does that. It makes it difficult to budget and difficult to plan family time. Still, I am incredibly happy and grateful he's coming home. As an added bonus, he should be home for Father's Day.

Being an Army family almost gurantees that special occasions will be missed. We have missed alot of them over the years; some have been easier to replicate than others. This last Christmas, I found mistletoe on sale atthe dollar store. I bought a few sprigs and I hung them on top of the doors anyways. When he came home for R&R, we still shared a mistletoe kiss.

We used to have a lot of movie nights befor he left, where we would pile up on the bed with the boys and make popcorn and just be together. So we are definitely doing that when he comes home.

I'm so looking forward to assuming our normal routine, even if it's for awhile. I miss making food for him, I miss us all being together. I miss going to sleep with him and waking up to him in the morning. I even miss all the things that used to annoy me about him, and I find myself wishing he was annoying me, because that would mean he would be here with me.

I think that one of te blessings of being an Army wife is thatthis life forces you to really evaluate your priorities, and really value someone completely; their good and bad characteristics.

Spider Solution

I am happy to report that I saw a honeybee in the flowerbed this morning. The spider who had taken up residence on one of the dead poppies wasn't there. I guess the spider was really hungry yesterday. I watched it capture two bees yesterday.

Dentist

I am blogging from my least favorite place in the world, my dentist's chair. It's not that Dr. Nguyen isn't brilliant, he is; it's just that dentists are frightening.

Dental drills should be considered instruments of torture. After a four hour long procedure, I went home.

I had this work done as part of the YOM initiative and because I have been putting this off for too long.

Ain't No Sunshine When He's Gone

I think I am need of a serious attitude makeover. The end of this wretched deployment is here, and I Thank God that T is back safely, but I am also unbelievably angry and depressed. This stupid thing isn't over for me, and I am upset. What's worse is that T keeps asking me why I sound so bad. I think it should be oobvious, but maybe I am being dense. I am so tired of waiting, and I am angry at myself for feeling this way, for whining. I miss all the things people take for granted about their spouses. I miss EVERYTHING; the good, and the bad.

Right now I am listening to Green Day, because it has been September all damn year and I just want September to end! But like my mp3 player, time is on a infinitely repeating torturous loop.

A Wake Up Call That Was Worth It!

Today I got one of the most awesome wake up calls ever! Tony is back! He got back safe, and as an added bonus, I got to see him today.

Now it's a question of waiting on the green machine to get everything in place and let him come home to me.

In other awesome news, my engagement ring finally fits again. Good thing, because I need to get my wedding ring and my anniversary ring resized.