I have been stressing over the looming debt
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
The time of our joyous reunion is drawing to the inevitable conclusion. I think I am doing okay at trying to hide my growing anxiety from T., but I don't know for sure. I came close to losing it this morning. I guess I was crying in my sleep without realizing it.
It's the part that I hate most about leave; it is the perfect amount of time to get used to having him around again, to get used to being his wife again. I never stopped being his wife, but I missed the domestic rituals that made me so happy. Like always trying to have our morning coffee together whenever possible...
I am so grateful that I have had this time with him and our kids, but at the same time, I can't help but be depressed. I don't know when I will see him again. I don't know when we will get to live as a family again.
We still have no orders sending him back here. This is the longest we have ever been apart.
Tonight, we are playing Marvel Alliance 2 with the boys. I wish every day could be like this!
Saturday, July 2, 2011
My mom and I have a very troubled history; she put me in foster care when I was fifteen, and she wanted nothing to do with me for three years. The only thing positive that happened to me during those years was that I met T. Now she acts like she wants to be my best friend, but she was not there when I needed her most. She lives with me now, and I take care of her because I believe there is a God that I will face someday to whom I must give an explanation for my actions and because it's the right thing to do. No one said right equals easy, but some days are harder than most.
It's hard when someone wants to pretend like your past never happened, like a simple apology has the power to reset all the hell you've experienced. For me, I fear it may be too little, too late.