So Long, Farewell...

With leave, comes the ending of happiness, and the beginning of the masquerade...this is the part where I pretend everything is fine when I really want to die inside.

I am going to miss him soo much.  And just like last time, I don't know when I will see him again.

To Kill a Mockingbird

I finally found our what has been happening to my cherry tomatoes.  It seems a certain cheeky chap has been snacking on them. 

He has been treating my porch like his own private salad bar.  In front of me, he helped himself to the  reddest tomatoes on the vine!

Later, my son told me that he saw the mockingbird perched on some of my strawberries.  The nerve of that bird!

Rest easy readers; despite the title of this post, I have no intention of killing him.  I just hope he leaves me and my family some fruit to enjoy.

Mine! All Mine!

This is what all the excitement is about. I love this crazy man. This is why I can't stop thinking of how much I am going to miss him when he goes. I hate being away from this man. Ever since I was fifteen, he has been my everything.

He makes me smile when I am sad, he makes me want to keep going when I no longer have the strength to go on. He has made of my life the most beautiful paradise, and he makes me look forward to every moment we have together.

Sometimes, even a goofy girl can luck out. I certainly did!

I love you, Tony!

Why Isn't It Enough?

I am sitting on my kitchen floor as I write this.  I am nursing my coffee while I launch myself into an uncomfortable introspection.  Tony has been here for the past several days, and though these days have been paradise, I find myself thinking that time is melting together, that it's racing toward the inevitable conclusion of my happiness...

I should be happy; after all, it's been a very long time since we have last seen each other.  An eternity has passed without his eyes for me to lose myself in.  I should be happy, but I'm not.  Not completely.

My mind keepsq harping on the departure.  The one that will rip my soul out by the roots and leave my shattered heart in pieces on the airport floor.  He will trample those pieces unknowingly...his boots will grind them down like so much gravel with each step he takes away from me.

When he leaves, as I know he must, I have no idea when I will see him again.  I am lonely, tired, and afraid.  I am afraid he will see this damn weakness in me and despise me for it...or worse, that he would feel bad because I am a sniveling idiot.  A spoiled child.

I want to be happy with what I have been given.  I want to enjoy his presence, but if left alone, my mind wanders to thoughts of the conclusion of his stay.  Truth is, I don't want to let him go. 

I miss everything about him.  Even the incredibly annoying stuff.  I must find a way to make my peace with the realities of my current circumstances.  I must find a way to keep going when I feel I have nothing more to give.

Shrinking Me

I am so excited! I lost another 1.6 pounds.  That puts me just ten pounds away from where I wanna be at the end of the summer! 

I have made myself a healthy breakfast this morning.  A cup of Special K Fruit & Yogurt cereal with ground flaxseed and a cup of nonfat milk.

For lunch, I am planning on having a Healthy Choice meal, but I haven't decided which one yet.

I am dressed and ready to go to the airport.  I am nervous again.  Somehow, I think I looked better yesterday, even though I am wearing the same exact thing today.

Snooze Blues

Apparently, my body has decided to rebel against me and wake me up early.  Today is the day I have been dreaming about for so long, so I guess I better get up.

I trudged to the kitchen to get my coffee.  Although I tried to be as quiet as I could be, Alex heard me and woke up.  I gave him his need in an effort to gurantee me a peaceful few minutes with my steaming cup of Yuban.  This strategy was only partially successful. 

So here I am, with a second cup of coffee, thinking about all the housework I have to get done today, and the irises and cannas I have to plant.  Yesterday, one of my lawn chairs almost took out the Kalanchoes.  We had Texas wind again.

I have three dozen eggs I need to boil for the deviled eggs I will be making. I will also be making shepherd's pie and some quiches.  For tomorrow, I will be making cherry cheese crepes.

I started cleaning out the truck.  I have decided to do a better job of keeping it clean starting today because cleaning it is a pain!  The eggs are still cooling and I still have six and a half hours to go.

Now I have even more time to go.  Till tomorrow to be exact.

Get Busy Living, or Get Busy Dying

The title above is a line from one of my favorite movies, "The Shawshank Redmption." I can't think of any other quote that can frame the struggle to be healthy better. I decided last December that instead of making New Year's resolutions that are an excercise in failure and futility, that I was simply going to declare 2011, The Year of Me. This eloquent statement comes down to one very simple fact: this is the year when I take responsibility for my choices, my well-being, and my health. I have been beyond overweight for some time now, and in December, when I could no longer walk to my mailbox without feeling like I was going to die from the shortness of breath, I decided to do something about it.

Thus, my intiative was born. I started making appointments for dental surgeries I knew I needed but put off because I am terrified of dentists. I forced myself to go, even though I gripped the dentist's chair so tight, I'm sure the mark of my fingernails is still there. Phase One of my plan was the dental work, which started in January but is ongoing. I'm still scared, but I still go.

Phase Two started in February, (February 6th) and it involves me getting serious about losing weight. On February 6th, I weighed myself and discovered I weighed 266 lbs. I got upset, had a good cry, and began to research information about weight loss. I found an application on my phone that helped me get started. I lost some weight, but I wasn't too happy with the results. In looking at reviews for the application I was using, I found a review that recommended another one, and I decided to give the new app a try. I started using the new app, called MyFitnessPal, on March 23rd. Since then, I have lost
7 lbs. for a total of 23 lbs. I am still working on it. I didn't get this way overnight, and I know I won't get back to healthy overnight. By the way, I wasn't compensated for mentioning the name of the app I used; I mentioned it out of a desire to help other people feeling hopeless and frustrated with their weight.

My whole point in writing this is to discuss my frustration with my mom, who is fifty-nine, morbidly obese (as am I at my current weight), and a Type II diabetic. She is the kind of person who makes excuses for everything; it's always someone else's fault that things happen to her. I told her about my program, which is one hundred percent free to join and she tells me she won't join because she will only be allowed to eat a few calories. This mentality infuriates me. She has a disease that has serious complications, that can be more easily managed with a modest weight loss, and she is being offered free tools to help her and she still won't even try? Why? Isn't this a no-brainer?

I finally goaded her into participating; remember the too few calories she was griping about? Turns out, according to her weight loss profile, she needs to eat 1900 calories a day. That's more than I'm allowed to eat! The point is, people...we need to take responsibility for ourselves and stop passing the buck.

P.S. I'm TheUnforgyvn on MyFitnessPal, if anyone wants to add me.

Traveling Dreams

One of the things I have always wanted to do is travel. It's something I always talk about with my husband. Since he's in the Army he has been all over the world. He tells me that being in the Army means traveling all over the world, and usually only getting to see the inside of airports. This has not dampened my desire to do the whole tourist thing in the least. Below is a list of all the place I would like to visit, in no particular order:

1. Egypt

2. Italy

3. Spain

4. Japan (I especially want to go to Tokyo Station to see the statue of Hachiko*)

This is a list in progress. I want to see Hachi because I have an Akita, (His name is Maximus) and because after the movie, I needed therapy. But then again, I cry watching "Benji," and "Where the Red Fern Grows," reduces me to a blubbery, hysterical mess. I have been told not to watch "Marley & Me" without my husband or a warehouse-sized package of tissues, so I haven't yet as he's been gone. Enough about me! What places would you like to visit?

The Waiting Game

Tick, tock goes the clock...
Time moves slowly;
It's the shaping of a rock,
Molded by Nature's exacting fingers...
Meanwhile, I go stir-crazy,
The anxiety lingers;
Nails on a chalkboard to an
Overburdened mind.

Time, increase your momentum
Become the waterfall
Rush forward, sweeping away
The barriers between my love & I.

Hello, Starshine!

Today has been a fabulous day for many reasons, and this was just the icing on the cake.  When I came home this afternoon, I found this on my back porch: my first ever bulb that I grew myself! Presenting: For your viewing pleasure, my Amaryllis!

Assembly Required

Today was an interesting day.  My neighbors cut their yards yesterday.  My yard was looking scraggly, so I decided it to mow it.  Before I could do that, I would have to unpack and assemble the lawnmower that lay forlornly in its box in the garage.

After some initial problems, I set up the lawnmower and proceeded to mow my lawn.  My compost bin is now full to capacity, and I will be purchasing a Mason Bee kit soon.  Mason bees are special in that they don't produce honey, so they tend to sting less.

I am also looking into a special composing system made exclusively to safely compost dog waste.  This system utilizes vermicomposting to turn the waste into worm casts.  The worm casts are an exceptionally rich soil amendment.

This means that the hard work will eventually give way to the garden of my dreams!

Politics as Usual: BOHICA

For the last several days, my eyes, along with those of many in the country, have been glued to the surreal situation going on in Washington. This budget showdown cannot, and should not be tolerated. The American people need to reject these leaders who have completely rejected what should be the most important voices to them; the voices of their constituents.

These politicians must be held accountable for their unconscionable actions; Washington and we do not need the blame game and the ensuing circus that has been created. Regardless of party affiliation, those involved in the current imbroglio should resign and return to us the country that we love and they treat with such rank disregard.

It is my hope that come the next Election Day, we make the voice of our collective outrage known, and that we tell our leaders that schoolyard bickering is not the way we want our country to be run. Vote, and send the message.

If you haven't already contacted your congressional representatives to voice your disapproval of the shutdown situation, please do so. If you don't know who represents you, please visit http://www.contactingthecongress.org/ to find out who represents you.

Rest in Fleece: Woolen Coffins Offer Green Goodbye

This is an interesting article I found on an enviornmentally friendly option to burials that is also fiscally friendly as well.

Rest in Fleece: Woolen Coffins Offer Green Goodbye

Bald Eagle Video

This is video of a bald eagle nest. they have two chicks and are expecting a third. If you have never had the opportunity to see this majestic animal, this is the next best thing.


Online TV Shows by Ustream

Stormy Weather

The wind today is unreal. We are having gusts of about sixty miles an hour, and the forecast does not appear to due down until after 1800. I hope the tomatoes and the cherry tomatoes are okay.

The strawberries look fine, as do the tomatoes. I am excited about the strawberries. It's the first time I try to grow my own.

Going Green

My efforts this Spring have been rewarded with better results than usual. I started my plants way early and have been rewarded with a rather bountiful crop of herbs. I have Lemon Basil, Italian Basil, Globe Basil, Lavender, Sage, Oregano, Thyme, and Mint. They say it is not a good idea to grow mint from seed since it does not breed true, but I am hoping to breed out any issues once I get more plants established. These plants are growing inside thanks to my AeroGardens. Outside, I have a tomato plant along with cherry tomatoes, two different varieties of peppers, salvia, tulips, hyacinths, and strawberries. I managed to pick up a lovely white geranium for the front of my house. I think it will set off the rustic flowerbed my son and I put in in front of our porch. In an effort to show my kids how what one my family does can affect the enviornment, I have also started a compost pile. The kids have responded well to this and are excited to see all the different materials that can be composted and how the materials break down over time. They want to try vermicomposting next, but I want to see how our first batch of compost turns out before making any commitments.