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Monday, September 21, 2009

The Gulf of Solitude

Saying goodbye, as the song says, is never an easy thing. This is especially true when you have become accustomed to certain constants in your life that do not change; these become anchors in an otherwise tempestous life. For me, it was the journey of becoming a wife and mother that became my routine. I became more and more involved in supporting my husband and his career and my children. The days passed by, and I found myself getting comfortable in my life...it seems to be the law of nature that such constancy is never destined to endure for long. The Army came knocking, and a hole was blown right through the middle of my bliss.

My husband has had to PCS for a while, and this has forced me to double my role. This is not unusual for an Army wife; it's part of the job.

That I miss him and long for him to be here is not the hardest thing to imagine; the most frightening thing is discovering that he and my kids have become such a part of me that somehow I have lost my sense of self. I find myself forced to become independent once more and I am frightened, because all the interests I once cultivated and all the things that once defined me have since become a barren wasteland.

I have decided to try to awaken who and what I once was; I have started this blog in an effort to grant this process some expediency and legitimacy.

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