A Love Letter

Dear Danny,

Today marks a month that you left to cross the rainbow bridge. I want to tell you that I know you tried to hold on for me, but that you don't need to worry any more. I still miss you so much, and I keep looking around your favorite spots expecting you will be there.

I beat Mass Effect 3, and the victory was hollow because you weren't there to headbutt the controller at the crucial moment in the game. I know I wasn't exactly thrilled when you used to do that, but I'd give anything if you could be here to do it again. I have no one to con me into giving them cans of evaporated milk and no one I have to watch out for when crawling into bed. I miss you, but my life was so much richer for having you in it, that now that you are gone, it's hard to remember a time when I was without you.

I want you to know that I love you and that I will never forget you. I keep your portrait in my room and in the craft room. Thanks for letting me love you, and thank you for loving me.

You will always be my Danny Boy.

The Gulf of Solitude

Saying goodbye, as the song says, is never an easy thing. This is especially true when you have become accustomed to certain constants in your life that do not change; these become anchors in an otherwise tempestous life. For me, it was the journey of becoming a wife and mother that became my routine. I became more and more involved in supporting my husband and his career and my children. The days passed by, and I found myself getting comfortable in my life...it seems to be the law of nature that such constancy is never destined to endure for long. The Army came knocking, and a hole was blown right through the middle of my bliss.

My husband has had to PCS for a while, and this has forced me to double my role. This is not unusual for an Army wife; it's part of the job.

That I miss him and long for him to be here is not the hardest thing to imagine; the most frightening thing is discovering that he and my kids have become such a part of me that somehow I have lost my sense of self. I find myself forced to become independent once more and I am frightened, because all the interests I once cultivated and all the things that once defined me have since become a barren wasteland.

I have decided to try to awaken who and what I once was; I have started this blog in an effort to grant this process some expediency and legitimacy.