One of my favorite poems, "Invictus," by William Ernest Henley

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Latin 101: "Invictus" means "unconquered" in Latin.

Gamers Who are Asking for It

In my previous post, I mentioned how I am playing Crystal Saga now,and how I really am enjoying a return to PC gaming as a result. Remember I said CS enables co-op and competitive play?

One of the events that offers an opportunity for competitive play is the Sengolia Battleground event which takes place daily at server times 15:00 and 19:00. The fancy name is meant to hide from noobs the fact that it's like being a really slow guy who manages to catch a football and run to the touchdown zone.

In the middle of avoiding fifty-million people whose sole desire at the moment is to eliminate you in the most efficient and utterly humiliating way possible, you have towers; towers that belong to your faction and to the faction that's opposing you. While you are running around trying not to killed, your job is to destroy your enemies' towers, along with the ultimate fortification, the opposing teams' Crystal of Life.

Anyway, I'm in there fighting on the Spirit side and I noticed that Player X from my previous post and The Prince are on my team. X and The Prince come up with some pretty sweet tactics and another friend goes off to draw Demon threat.

While all this is going on, some lower-level player starts ranting about how Sengolia is rigged; (it's not) the developers have put in place controls that more or less equalize the playing field, probably because they got tired of drinking coffee brewed from noob tears...half the time, I get spanked in Seng too, because my teleport works the wrong way or doesn't work at all.

Anyway, after his ranting about that, he decides to take out his frustration on the Lunar Goddess. Who is on the opposing faction. And a nice person. But still SCARY to meet on a battlefield. I mean, her character's outfit is cute and frilly, but it's like a zombie Minnie Mouse that just keeps coming back. And zombie Minnie Mouse is distracting you with her cuteness so she can fire an arrow of doom right between your eyes...

While I'm pondering this and trying to avoid the Lunar Goddess and The Mightiest Disciple, it occurs to me that this idiot might be the one that appealed to The Plushie King to stop the Goddess from killing him in the Guild Resource Battleground. The Plushie King was not moved by these entreaties, and so the petition for clemency was flatly denied.

The GRB is another PvP event, and you must collect certain resources and transport them to the guild management guy. You have one hour, which is more than enough time to get everything you need even if you do get slaughtered a few times, which happens to everyone...hell, I was in their a few days ago and The Prince yawned in my direction and I died. It happened so fast, I couldn't even figure out how he killed me. I think he flicked a booger on me...but the best part; he whispers me and tells me, "sorry, I pressed the wrong key."

I still managed to complete the thing, even though after my unceremonious death, I scowled at the computer. In the words of the geektastic Wil Wheaton, "Don't be a dick." There really is no need for it and it makes people look stupid and immature.

Gaming and Gender Issues

I recently started playing a new MMORPG called Crystal Saga. The game mechanics are complicated, the environments are beautiful and it enables competitive and cooperative play. Sounds great, right? I was playing the game the other day when an important topic came up that instantly attracted my attention.

There was a lively discussion brewing in world chat about vanquishing bosses and lesser players. One player, whom I shall refer to as Player X in this post, contended that using the term, “rape” in the context of defeating bosses and lesser/unskilled players was harmless and when used in gaming context, a perfectly acceptable term.

Some players immediately piled on Player X, decrying his use of the term as offensive and trivializing a traumatizing event that has impacted many lives. Some players hurled insults at Player X over his continued insistence that the term was acceptable. Other players attempted to compromise; they attempted to suggest alternate forms of expression that were less charged, and alternate forms of expressing the satisfaction that comes with defeating the impossible boss that has excoriated you the other million times you have tried to go against it.

I watched as the debate unfolded, seeing it become organized along gender lines. Males tended to agree with Player X, and said female gamers were being overly sensitive and narrow-minded. Female players asserted that while everyone has a right to free speech, Player X was simply being asked to find a different way of expressing himself without offending. Player X refused this request, and continued to state he was fine with the term and would continue to use it.

Player X was then muted and ignored by many of the female, higher-level gamers of the group, and the debate ended. Everyone began to get back to the business of leveling up characters and fighting through dungeons. Everyone except me.

I began to think about Player X's actions and the reactions to his actions. Being a rape survivor myself, I thought about what his usage of the term in such an offhand manner meant to me. For me, it's not about whether or not I thought his usage of the term was appropriate or flippant; it's about the fact that this word does not define me, and his casual usage of it does not make me any less of a survivor or any less of a person.

If someone chooses to make an asshat of themselves, we have the option of trying to persuade them to see an alternate option, or we have the option to excise their malignancy from our midst through the use of mute buttons and ignore features. It all boils down to what option works better for us as individuals.

As for me, I'm glad I was in a position to see this debate unfold. Female gamers are often a marginalized minority in the gaming community, so this was an especially significant moment to me. We have struggled to be let into this boy's club, but we will not be denied. We are here. And, we're not leaving.

Aerogarden Report

I am happy to report that I have several seedlings beginning to show through my Aerogarden domes. I had doubts about the Genovese Basil, but it's coming up. I will post some pictures as soon as I can. The thyme and dill seem to be coming up as well, but the mint seems to be giving me trouble again this year. Growing mint from seed is a really hard thing to do and it's often very unrewarding and fruitless. Mint doesn't breed true from seed, so it often takes several generations when growing by seed to find a plant with optimum taste and other factors, such as leaf and seed production. I only keep trying because I'm stubborn. Well, very stubborn...,

The jury is still out on whether I will see any Lemon Basil this year, but I hope so. Last year's plants were so leafy and aromatic. I have to buy some soil to set up my raised garden beds but I have a few new types of peppers I'll be trying this year as well as some salad greens and spinach.

Planting Season!

I started up my Aerogarden 6 today with a selection of aromatic herbs I can't wait to cook with. I have Thyme, Genovese Basil, Lemon Basil, Mint, Dill, and Oregano. I think I will be planting some salad greens in my Aerogarden 7. I love growing as much of my produce as I can. It gives me a real sense of accomplishment knowing what I am putting on my kids' plates, and knowing that it's healthy and chemical free. In the meantime, here are some pictures from my wildflower garden in my front yard.

The First Day

Mom spent her first full day back at home today, and it was surprisingly pleasant. We listened to one of my favorite Putumayo CDs, one I bought at Earthbound Trading because it reminded me of her and she enjoyed it quite a bit.

After we heard the CD, I put on a Russell Peters comedy special and we both laughed quite a bit. I managed to get quite a bit of laundry done and folded. Mom told me that my sister mentioned that I was "ghetto" because I own a set of wooden TV trays. I'm sorry, I didn't realize being practical was such a crime as well as an indicator of socioeconomic status. This from the person who hangs out with the most festering pieces of human garbage the state of Florida has to offer...

I try not to go through life hating anyone or holding grudges, but at this point, I really do hate certain individuals.

A Moment of Weakness

It looks like Mom was able to get her stuff out of my sister's house safely. Now we are waiting on a discharge date from the hospital. I'm not to sure I'm thrilled about having her back, but I couldn't leave her there after everything that's happened. Mom says she is getting out of the hospital in a few hours. I miss T. I wish he was here. Somehow, I always feel stronger when he is with me. He's kind of a good luck charm, with inspiration thrown in.

In other news, I am trying out my laptop, but I have discovered a serious problem; it seems that it is not accepting the power cable. It does not seem to want to charge my computer. I don't know what to do. It says the status is plugged in, but not charging. I finally get the old girl started and now this. Can't anything ever be easy?