The First Day

Mom spent her first full day back at home today, and it was surprisingly pleasant. We listened to one of my favorite Putumayo CDs, one I bought at Earthbound Trading because it reminded me of her and she enjoyed it quite a bit.

After we heard the CD, I put on a Russell Peters comedy special and we both laughed quite a bit. I managed to get quite a bit of laundry done and folded. Mom told me that my sister mentioned that I was "ghetto" because I own a set of wooden TV trays. I'm sorry, I didn't realize being practical was such a crime as well as an indicator of socioeconomic status. This from the person who hangs out with the most festering pieces of human garbage the state of Florida has to offer...

I try not to go through life hating anyone or holding grudges, but at this point, I really do hate certain individuals.

A Moment of Weakness

It looks like Mom was able to get her stuff out of my sister's house safely. Now we are waiting on a discharge date from the hospital. I'm not to sure I'm thrilled about having her back, but I couldn't leave her there after everything that's happened. Mom says she is getting out of the hospital in a few hours. I miss T. I wish he was here. Somehow, I always feel stronger when he is with me. He's kind of a good luck charm, with inspiration thrown in.

In other news, I am trying out my laptop, but I have discovered a serious problem; it seems that it is not accepting the power cable. It does not seem to want to charge my computer. I don't know what to do. It says the status is plugged in, but not charging. I finally get the old girl started and now this. Can't anything ever be easy?

Saturday Soap Opera

Mom's back in the hospital again. Her blood pressure is through the roof. I guess all the problems with my sister are getting to her. She told me today that she was afraid for her life. T said she should come back to the house under those circumstances, but I am scared that if she does, things will go back to being the way they were.

T and I have been fighting quite a bit lately, especially about my family. My mom doesn't have the greatest track record, either. She has a tendency to be controlling and manipulative, and before she left, she didn't want to do any of the things she knew she needed to be doing for her health. I don't want to enable her to be detrimental to herself.

I also don't want any more damage to me and T's relationship. It's been seven years of hell with mom in the picture, especially with T's penchant for holding grudges...I understand that the grudges T has against my mother result out of a sense of loyalty to me, but that doesn't make it any easier to take when I get caught in the middle.

Setbacks

Lately, it seems that my whole universe has been flipped on its ear. I think it started going to hell when Danny died. I went even further into depression and my diet and exercise commitment suffered greatly. I am only now starting to feel better emotionally, but now the arthritis in my knee is flaring. I am going to try to work out regardless.

I haven't really had a chance to do much gardening yet, and my amaryllis was coming up nicely until the caterpillars discovered them. Now they are in pieces. Literally.

The poppies are coming along nicely, and I have a slew of beautiful visitors beating a path to my front door. It cheers me up to see them. I have several different species of butterflies coming to the flowerbeds. I wish I knew what this one is..it's so pretty!

Here is a close up of the poppies: The poppies are slightly windblown thanks to our lovely Texas wind, but I think their coloring is absolutely gorgeous.

As far as my relationship with my sister, I have come to the realization that the only course of action is to amputate that relationship. She and I are very different people, and I am at a point in my life where I can no longer tolerate the stress and negativity of being around her. This relationship has become toxic to me, and so, I'm giving up. I'm tired of being dragged into situations that I do not want to be involved in.

This weekend, I am planning on starting up the Aerogardens with some herbs and vegetables, but I am saving one of the Aerogardens to plant with flowers. I haven't decided what kind of flowers yet. Any ideas? Leave your flower suggestions in the comments. My oldest son is trying to get me to plant bluebonnets, but I didn't have any luck with them or the forget me nots I tried to grow last year. I also learned last year that growing mint from seed is a very frustrating and ultimately fruitless experience.

A Love Letter

Dear Danny,

Today marks a month that you left to cross the rainbow bridge. I want to tell you that I know you tried to hold on for me, but that you don't need to worry any more. I still miss you so much, and I keep looking around your favorite spots expecting you will be there.

I beat Mass Effect 3, and the victory was hollow because you weren't there to headbutt the controller at the crucial moment in the game. I know I wasn't exactly thrilled when you used to do that, but I'd give anything if you could be here to do it again. I have no one to con me into giving them cans of evaporated milk and no one I have to watch out for when crawling into bed. I miss you, but my life was so much richer for having you in it, that now that you are gone, it's hard to remember a time when I was without you.

I want you to know that I love you and that I will never forget you. I keep your portrait in my room and in the craft room. Thanks for letting me love you, and thank you for loving me.

You will always be my Danny Boy.

Mass Effect 3 and the Obliteration of Sense

Mass Effect 3 launched in the United States on March 6th, 2012. I started playing my copy two days later. The game was beautiful, the relationships with the characters seemed even more realistic and poignant. Except for the relationship with Thane, that is. But more on that later... The game was beautiful and it quite possibly would have been the best game of the series, except for the end...

I'm not sure how Bioware managed to get everything right only to screw it up in the last moments of the game. If this is Shepard's last story, how could players be treated to endings with no closure, and which two of them are essentially the same? I also don't understand how Bioware can't see how this would be upsetting to fans of the franchise. Bioware writers are incredibly gifted at writing characters that make you believe in them, that reflect all that's wonderful and all that's awful about life. The writers make the characters matter to us. So after executing a literary coup that leaves our hearts firmly in their grasp, they seem oblivious to the fact that it HURTS when they rip those hearts out by the roots.

ME3's larger scope means that Shepard's decisions grow more painful and harder to arrive at than in the previous games; and the effects on Shepard's character are more pronounced as the game goes on. As the countdown to the final climax comes, Shepard's outlook gets grimmer, and lonely. This is one time the Commander needs someone to lean on and there is no respite to be found. I don't believe that life is sunshine and unicorns, but many of us play these games to immerse ourselves in a life that's different than our own, maybe even better in some ways.

Is hope that detrimental to a storyline?

Here is my personal wish for Shepard:

Shepard, if he/she survived the events of ME3, retires, and undergoes therapy to help with the PTSD he/she is suffering from, and the survivor guilt. Shepard marries their love interest, has a beautiful honeymoon, and a kid. This makes Shepard think of the boy that died back on Earth. Shepard doesn't retire completely from the alliance, but serves in a consultant role. However, the years and tragedies have taken their toll and Shepard is deeply scarred and broken. After bringing deliverance and salvation for so many, the Commander is grasping for whatever bits of happiness and normalcy he/she can find... Thane once told the Commander that there comes a time when one must rest from war and conflict, that it wasn't Shepard's time, but that it was his. It is finally Shepard's time to rest. The Commander has earned it.

I killed the Archdemon with The Butterfly Sword

Today was T's last day with us, after a blissful leave that had its rough moments as well. I finally got to show T DA I and DA II. He seemed into it even though he says they talk too much in the game. He also decided to be a dwarf. Let me be clear; I friggin' hate the dwarves. The only things I hate more are the wretched Deep Roads. May the Blight infest the mind of whatever Bioware developer decides to put them in DA III! Okay. Personal rant over, I fought my way through Origins several times THE HARD WAY...no cheat codes for this gamer chick. By the time I finished, it felt that I had accomplished something on a legendary level. Oh, and it also felt like I needed therapy... Enter T, the creator of Durango the exiled dwarven noble. T hasn't even fought one serious battle yet, and here he is padding the dwarf with exploited and grossly inflated experience points. Alistair WOULD NOT approve. I have watched this man, (T) use the same exploit for ten minutes now. And he has the nerve to tell me watching my games are mind-numbingly boring. All I can say is that DA III better be co-op multiplayer, or we are going to need marriage counseling up in here... I will be trying to slay the Archdemon with The Butterfly Sword when T goes back though. Minus cheat codes. Oh, and Fenris, if you are out there, come over and we will play gin rummy. I promise I'm not a mage; well, most of the time I'm not... :)